pizza: iwillneverstoptalking: apparently if you mention pizza tumblr user pizza will come who said that
vivalaausten: greydelisle: The kid behind me at Starbucks got way too excited about the last pumpkin muffin….so I ordered it.
sollux: stumblinglove: sollux: I was feelin ok until I realized what tomorrow is Another day without him i was just gonna say monday but ok
snorlaxatives: college sounds fun and all but i’d rather embark on my pokemon journey
ruggerwords: accio-bradfordbadboi: We had to shave our cat because she had mats in her fur. But then she was cold. So we bought her a sweater. It also came with a little hat. My cat hates me. Better sleep with one eye open… o.O
thrillionaire: just spooning my girlfriend out of her container it’s ice cream
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
walk into the club like what up i’m a sexy french revolutionary
coachela: we all masturbate in the same language and what language is this? loneliness that was deep so were my fingers last night omg omg
creeeee: imawanchor: remember when the first time the audience saw bella swan she was just randomly clutching a cactus remember vampires suck?
waking up: haha fuck
royalteens: i swear i’d dress better but i’m poor and fat
not0riety: can we just stop and take a moment to appreciate the way cassie says ‘what’s that’ when Rachel brings her the cane
poco-loki: colinmorgs: we all remember the first time we came across a smut fic
sermisty: fosterthepeoplejunkster: john-watson-is-sherlocked: asherlockian: pernillo: thenocturnalcouchpotato: fosterthepeoplejunkster: lypo: lypo: got a family of 4 in my house :)X my husband died, just me n the kids :(X ”we’re not calling him dad.” i am legitimately interested in this story every other weekend, he has his kid, from a previous marriage, over. we...
skin-and-ink: flure: I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what’s wrong, you can’t say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize...
eveningowl: im-deadpool-god-dammit: I love how majestic the bald eagle looks from the side but from straight on it just looks scared and confused #literally exactly like america
hempest: sexponents: MY TOASTER IS ON FIRE WHAT DO I DO make a text post
i dont think people understand how lonely i am on facebook like everyone hates me seriosly
davejadetier: BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEY GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES
starllex: I’m nicknaming my mom Alejandro because she keeps calling my name
niqqaniall: i’m 16 and i still walk up the stairs with my hands how do they expect me to learn algebra
juicepouch: righteouskungfu: juicepouch: why wont you bump into me on the street and ask for my number and take me out for coffee and fall in love with me what am i doing wrong I can’t bump into you if you don’t go outside touché